Fun With Depression

September 12, 2015

I’m in a pretty bad place right now.  Maybe it’s because I’m sick this week.  Maybe it’s because I’m grotesquely overweight again.  Maybe it’s because I’m sitting up late on a Saturday and I know I have to go to bed so I can get up early tomorrow to meet up with friends at a bar before the Seahawks game, but I’m nowhere near tired because I’m in such a bad place.

A lot of it’s probably that.  But, it all comes back to this incredible loneliness I’ve been feeling lately.  Loneliness, for me, comes and goes.  It’ll hit me hard, and then I’ll wake up and it won’t matter one bit anymore.  When it hits, it sucks, because it’s all-encompassing.  It’s all I can think about as I walk through this empty fucking apartment, trying to find ANYTHING I can watch or read that will distract from the fact that I’ve got absolutely nothing going on in my life and no one to share that nothing with.  And, it’s not like I’m even pining away for a specific someone like is usually the case.  I’m pining away for an abstract idea of a companion.

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I’m 34 years old, greatly out of shape, and I knew going into this Motley Crue concert that I’d be going solo.  I’ve got a lot of friends I could’ve asked, but I don’t know any who’d want to drive down to Tacoma on a Friday evening to see Motley Crue perform.  So, I knew a couple things:  I didn’t want to bother trying to get seats down on the floor, and I didn’t want to stand for four fucking hours (see:  34 years old, greatly out of shape).  Likewise, this wasn’t my first rodeo inside the Tacoma Dome.  You get a stage at one end, and you get a horseshoe all around the floor with seats.  If you want to get reasonably close to the band – and you don’t want to be on the floor – then you have to get seats on one of the sides.  This means you’ve either got to stand at an angle or have your neck turned to the side the whole time; neither sounded appealing.

So, I went for seats in the back, facing the stage.  I’ll admit, I underestimated just how far away from the stage you really are in these seats – which are glorified bleachers, if we’re being honest – and there were some large contraptions between us and the stage that provided a partially-blocked view, but otherwise the seats were fine.

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Motley Crue is touting it as The Final Tour, but they should really call it The Motley Crue Retirement Fund.

Back in January 2014, the band announced this would be it.  One last mega-tour to rule them all.  They spent the better part of the second half of the year touring all around North America (including stops at the White River Amphitheatre, as well as Vancouver B.C. and Spokane, all of which I ignored – mostly because White River sucks donkey balls, and the other two were too far to drive).  In January 2015, it was announced the tour would continue through the rest of the year, to be concluded on New Year’s Eve in Los Angeles.  In this leg, they’d hit the Tacoma Dome on July 24th.

I bought my ticket on January 26, 2015, in the same week I bought my ticket to see Faith No More at the Paramount.  In 2015, I would chop two more bands off of my lifetime bucket list.  Motley Crue ended up setting me back about $60 with fees and all that.  Not too steep, but had I known Alice Cooper was opening, I would’ve considered it the bargain of the century.

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So … (more than) two weeks late.  But, it’s been a shitty, work-filled (more than) two weeks and my brain kind of sucks now, so this is when it’s done.  This post probably deserves better, but what are you gonna do?

I’m 34 years old.  In those 34 years, the holder of My Favorite Band has changed hands quite a few times.  I more or less left the world of Pop Music behind for good ol’ fashioned rock n’ roll when I was 7 or 8 years old.  At that time, Aerosmith was my favorite band.  They still hold a special place in my heart – even though their last handful of albums have been awful – but they would be surpassed by Guns N’ Roses, Nirvana, Metallica, Nine Inch Nails, Radiohead, The Strokes, The White Stripes, back to Radiohead, and then a long, slow descent into nothingness as rock music has truly gotten awful.  I can’t remember the last real rock band I was turned on by, as I’ve more or less spent the last decade just filling in the cracks of all the older bands I missed out on the first time around.

Somewhere in there, though, Faith No More held the torch of My Favorite Band.  Sometime between Nirvana and Metallica, if I’m being honest, but they’ve absolutely never been out of my Top 5.  It’s always been FNM, Nirvana, GNR, Aerosmith, and a rotating cast for the fifth spot.

And, before anyone asks, I’m just talking about the Mike Patton-led version of the band.  Anything that came before was just … ehh.

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I’m nothing if not a hypocrite.  Every year, I do an Academy Awards Brouhaha post where I lock in my predicitons.  I see a small handful of movies every year and base my predictions partially on what I’ve seen and partially on articles I’ve read on the Internet.  Then, at work, I take those predictions to our annual Oscar Pool and I end up getting about half of the 24 categories correct, losing in a frustrating fashion as my heart overwhelms my head more often than not.

But, NOT THIS YEAR!  I decided to take the Oscar Pool seriously!  I threw out most of my Brouhaha predictions in favor of The Consensus.  There’s no reason to ever correctly guess fewer than 17 of the 24 categories; all you’d need to do is find a gambling website putting odds up for the Oscars and pick all the favorites!  It’s shameless, it’s no fun, and the majority of the night’s suspense is ripped from you … but, having said all that, it was a little thrilling to actually get so many answers correct!

Officially, I got 19/24 correct.  It was particularly exciting as I started out winning 9 of the first 10 and 17 of the first 20.  But, then I got screwed by Best Actor & Best Director.

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I’m normally so on top of these things.  The damned nominations were announced – I want to say – WEEKS ago.  But, it snuck up on me when I wasn’t ready, then I got a little disgruntled with the whole thing, and now here we are.

This is my favorite thing I write all year, though, so I’ll be DAMNED if I’m going to miss out!

Last year, I managed to see every Best Picture Nominee before the awards night.  It was an impressive and enjoyable feat, one that I’ll cherish always.  It’s my goal to do that EVERY year, but something tells me it’s not gonna happen this time.

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If you talked to my 10 year old self back in 1991, you would’ve found out my favorite movie was Bloodsport, my favorite band was Guns N’ Roses, my favorite writer was Stephen King, my favorite TV show was most certainly The Simpsons (with a hat tip to shows like In Living Colour, Coach, Get A Life, Married With Children, Roseanne, The Wonder Years, Growing Pains, Cheers, Perfect Strangers, Dinosaurs, Family Matters, Full House, Quantum Leap, Night Court, Golden Girls, and *shudder* Evening Shade), and it’s a safe bet – with the recent release of T2 – my favorite actor was Arnold Schwarzenegger.

At the time, Arnold had a run of four straight movies that I happened to love:  Twins, Total Recall, Kindergarten Cop, and Terminator 2: Judgment Day.  He would follow that up with three movies I more or less hated:  Last Action Hero, True Lies, and Junior, before coming back with Eraser.  Eraser, as it stands, was pretty much the end of Prime-Era Arnold (later in life, I would revisit classics like Predator, Commando, The Running Man, and the Conan movies; I also loved the first Terminator movie, but didn’t happen to see it until a year or two after I’d seen its sequel).  Everything since Eraser is either a dud, or a tepid attempt at creating a “throw-back” Arnold movie.  The results are hit-and-miss, with The Last Stand being surprisingly good (for an Arnold movie) and The 6th Day being surprisingly bad (again, for an Arnold movie).

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What Drives People?

July 2, 2014

There’s this quote I just read on Twitter.  Well, it might be a quote.  It’s definitely a meme, and it says, “Uncoachable kids become unemployable adults.  Let your kid get used to somebody being tough on them.  That’s life, get over it!”  I never said it was a humorous meme, but it got me to thinking.

To date, I’ve only been on one organized sports team.  In middle school, I thought I wanted to play football, so I signed up for some little league football team.  I don’t know who it was affiliated with, but it wasn’t the school.  It was some other entity.  I didn’t come into this thing with anyone I knew, and as a result, I didn’t know anyone on the team.  I was a little fat kid and the only thing I remember was running.  A lot.  For a kid who never excelled at gym class, this was my Hell.  I dropped out after the first day and thought that was that.

For some ungodly reason, I decided to go out for Freshman football when I hit high school.  I don’t know what changed my mind, aside from the fact that I’d actually know a few people, since they came up with me through the years, so I guess that had to be it.  That, and I’d properly know what I was in for.  Running, and lots of it.

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Look, I’m just hopeless.  That’s all there is to it.  If I REALLY wanted to win my work’s Oscar pool, I’d simply check out the Vegas odds, maybe look at the other awards show winners (not JUST the Globes) and cross-reference with prior years.  It might not get me to 100%, but I’d do a whole helluva lot better than I’m doing now.

Or, Hell, if I just took emotion and personal preference out of the whole thing …

This year, I won 12 of 24, which ordinarily would be pathetic in its own right, but is ESPECIALLY pathetic considering what should have been blatantly obvious.  Give the Oscar to Gravity for everything except the acting catagories & Best Picture.  Go with the overwhelming favorites in the Acting catagories & Best Picture, and BAM, I’m already at 12 with all the other picks left to go.

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The Importance Of Being Alone

February 22, 2014

Sometimes I wonder if I’m meant to ever be with someone.

You’ll have to forgive me, because I just woke up and I’m trying to work through some shit.  It’ll be okay, I promise.

I’ve been thinking about myself, who I am as a person.  Growing up, I very much had a “Me vs. The World” type of attitude.  High school wasn’t very pleasant, I wasn’t very well-liked, though it wasn’t a source of constant misery and pain either.  This isn’t one of those things in the movies where I got picked on on a daily basis.  Rather, it’s one of those things where I was invisible on a daily basis.  And that’s the way I liked it.  I had a small core group of friends, and we’d socialize whenever we could.

I also didn’t entirely get along with my family growing up either, which certainly contributed to this Me vs. The World outlook on life.  Again, we’re not talking about something where I was abused or had some tragic upbringing.  I just couldn’t relate to my parents (they were the “cool kids” growing up, so to speak), and my little brother was more annoying pain in the ass than anything else.

I would spend a lot of time alone in my room.  My sanctuary.  I’d have my music on loud to drown out everyone else, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

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